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Character descriptions: Shakespeare, William, The Oxford Shakespeare Hamlet, ed.by G.R. Hibbard (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1998).
And then sir doos a this, a doos, what was I about to say?
By the masse I was about to say something,
Where did I leaue?
To the Celestiall and my soules Idoll, the most beautified Ophelia, that's an ill phrase, a vile phrase,
beautified is a vile phrase, but you shall heare: thus in
her excellent white bosome, these &c
O deere Ophelia, I am ill at these numbers, I haue not art to recken
my grones, but that I loue thee best, o most best belieue it, adew.
Thine euermore most deere Lady, whilst this machine is to him. Hamlet.
Excellent well, you are a Fishmonger.
Not I my Lord.
Then I would you were so honest a man.
Honest my Lord.
I sir to be honest as this world goes,
Is to be one man pickt out of tenne thousand.
That's very true my Lord.
For if the sunne breede maggots in a dead dogge, being a
good kissing carrion. Haue you a daughter?
I haue my Lord.
Let her not walke i'th Sunne, conception is a blessing,
But as your daughter may conceaue, friend looke to't.
How say you by that, still harping on my daughter, yet hee
knewe me not at first, a sayd I was a Fishmonger, a is farre gone,
and truly in my youth, I suffred much extremity for loue, very
neere this. Ile speake to him againe. What doe you reade my
Lord.
Words, words, words.
What is the matter my Lord.
Betweene who.
I meane the matter that you reade my Lord.
Slaunders sir; for the satericall rogue sayes heere, that old
men haue gray beards, that their faces are wrinckled, their eyes
purging thick Amber, & plumtree gum, & that they haue a plentifull lacke of wit, together with most weake hams,
all which sir
though I most powerfully and potentlie belieue, yet I hold it not
honesty to haue it thus set downe, for your selfe sir shall growe old
as I am: if like a Crab you could goe backward.
Though this be madnesse, yet there is method in't, will you
walke out of the ayre my Lord?
Into my graue.
Indeede that's out of the ayre; how pregnant sometimes
his replies are, a happines that often madnesse hits on, which reason
and sanctity could not so prosperously be deliuered of. I will leaue
him and my daughter. My Lord, I will take my leaue of you.
You cannot take from mee any thing that I will not more
willingly part withall: except my life, except my life, except my
life.
Fare you well my Lord.
These tedious old fooles.
You goe to seeke the Lord Hamlet, there he is.
God saue you sir.
My honor'd Lord.
My most deere Lord.
My extent good friends, how doost thou Guyldersterne?
Nor the soles of her shooe.
Neither my Lord.
Then you liue about her wast, or in the middle of her fauors.
Faith her priuates we.
In the secret parts of Fortune, oh most true, she is a strumpet,
What newes?
None my Lord, but the worlds growne honest.
Then is Doomes day neere, but your newes is not true;
But in the beaten way of friendship, what make you at Elsonoure?
To visit you my Lord, no other occasion.
Begger that I am, I am euer poore in thankes, but I thanke
you, and sure deare friends, my thankes are too deare a halfpeny:
were you not sent for? is it your owne inclining? is it a free visitation? come, come, deale iustly with me, come, come, nay speake.
What should we say my Lord?
Any thing but to'th purpose: you were sent for, and there is
a kind of confession in your lookes, which your modesties haue not
craft enough to cullour, I know the good King and Queene haue
sent for you.
To what end my Lord?
That you must teach me: but let me coniure you, by the
rights of our fellowship, by the consonancie of our youth, by the
obligation of our euer preserued loue; and by what more deare a
better proposer can charge you withall, bee euen and direct with
me whether you were sent for or no.
What say you.
Nay then I haue an eye of you? if you loue me hold not of.
My Lord we were sent for.
I will tell you why, so shall my anticipation preuent your
discouery, and your secrecie to the King & Queene moult no feather, I haue of late, but wherefore I knowe not, lost all my mirth,
forgon all custome of exercises: and indeede it goes so heauily with
my disposition, that this goodly frame the earth, seemes to mee a
sterill promontorie, this most excellent Canopie the ayre, looke
you, this braue orehanging firmament, this maiesticall roofe fretted with golden fire, why it appeareth nothing to me but a foule
and pestilent congregation of vapoures. What peece of worke is a
man, how noble in reason, how infinit in faculties, in forme and
moouing, how expresse and admirable in action, how like an Angell in apprehension, how like a God: the beautie of the world; the
paragon of Annimales; and yet to me, what is this Quintessence of
dust: man delights not me, nor women neither, though by your
smilling, you seeme to say so.
My Lord, there was no such stuffe in my thoughts.
Why did yee laugh then, when I sayd man delights not me.
To thinke my Lord if you delight not in man, what Lenton
entertainment the players shall receaue from you, we coted them
on the way, and hether are they comming to offer you seruice.
He that playes the King shal be welcome, his Maiestie shal
haue tribute on me, the aduenterous Knight shall vse his foyle and
target, the Louer shall not sigh gratis, the humorus Man shall end
his part in peace, and the Lady shall say her minde freely: or the
black verse shall hault for't. What players are they?
Euen those you were wont to take such delight in, the Tragedians of the Citty.
How chances it they trauaile? their residence both in reputation, and profit was better both wayes.
I thinke their inhibition, comes by the meanes of the late
innouasion.
Doe they hold the same estimation they did when I was in
the Citty; are they so followed.
No indeede are they not.
It is not very strange, for my Vncle is King of Denmarke, and
those that would make mouths at him while my father liued, giue
twenty, fortie, fifty, a hundred duckets a peece, for his Picture
in little, s'bloud there is somthing in this more then naturall, if
Philosophie could find it out.
There are the players.
Gentlemen you are welcome to Elsonoure, your hands come
then, th'appurtenance of welcome is fashion and ceremonie; let
mee comply with you in this garb: let me extent to the players,
which I tell you must showe fairely outwards, should more appeare like entertainment then yours? you are welcome: but my
Vncle-father, and Aunt-mother, are deceaued.
In what my deare Lord.
I am but mad North North west; when the wind is Southerly, I knowe a Hauke, from a hand saw.
Well be with you Gentlemen.
Harke you Guyldensterne, and you to, at each eare a hearer,
that great baby you see there is not yet out of his swadling clouts.
Happily he is the second time come to them, for they say an
old man is twice a child.
I will prophecy, he comes to tell me of the players, mark it,
You say right sir, a Monday morning, t'was then indeede.
My Lord I haue newes to tell you.
My Lord I haue newes to tel you: when Rossius was an Actor
in Rome.
The Actors are come hether my Lord.
Buz, buz.
Vppon my honor.
Then came each Actor on his Asse.
The best actors in the world, either for Tragedie, Comedy,
History, Pastorall, Pastorall Comicall, Historicall Pastorall, scene
indeuidible, or Poem vnlimited. Sceneca cannot be too heauy, nor
Plautus too light for the lawe of writ, and the liberty: these are the
only men.
O Ieptha Iudge of Israell, what a treasure had'st thou?
What a treasure had he my Lord?
Still on my daughter.
Am I not i'th right old Ieptha?
If you call me Ieptha my Lord, I haue a daughter that I loue passing well.
Nay that followes not.
What followes then my Lord?
You are welcome maisters, welcome all, I am glad to see thee
well, welcome good friends, oh old friend, why thy face is valanct since I saw thee last, com'st thou to beard me in Denmark?
what my young Lady and mistris, by lady your Ladishippe is
nerer to heauen, then when I saw you last by the altitude of a
chopine, pray God your voyce like a peece of vncurrant gold,
bee not crackt within the ring: maisters you are all welcome,
weele ento't like friendly Fankners, fly at any thing we see,
weele haue a speech straite, come giue vs a tast of your quality,
come a passionate speech.
What speech my good Lord?
I heard thee speake me a speech once, but it was neuer acted,
or if it was, not aboue once, for the play I remember pleasd not
the million, t'was cauiary to the generall, but it was as I receaued
it & others, whose iudgements in such matters cried in the top
of mine, an excellent play, well digested in the scenes, set downe
with as much modestie as cunning. I remember one sayd there
were no sallets in the lines, to make the matter sauory, nor no
matter in the phrase that might indite the author of affection,
but cald it an honest method, as wholesome as sweete, & by very
much, more handsome then fine: one speech in't I chiefely loued,
t'was Aeneas talke to Dido, &there about of it especially when he
speakes of Priams slaughter, if it liue in your memory begin at
this line, let me see, let me see, the rugged Pirbus like Th'ircanian
beast, tis not so, it beginnes with Pirrhus, the rugged Pirrhus, he whose
sable Armes,
Foregod my Lord well spoken, with good accent and good discretion.
It shall to the barbers with your beard; prethee say on, he's for a Iigge, or a tale of bawdry, or he sleepes, say on, come to Hecuba.
The mobled Queene.
That's good.
Looke where he has not turnd his cullour, and has teares in's
eyes, prethee no more.
Tis well, Ile haue thee speake out the rest of this soone,
Good my Lord will you see the players well bestowed; doe you
heare, let them be well vsed, for they are the abstract and breefe
Chronicles of the time; after your death you were better haue a
bad Epitaph then their ill report while you liue.
My Lord, I will vse them according to their desert.
Gods bodkin man, much better, vse euery man after his desert, & who shall scape whipping, vse them
after your owne honor and dignity, the lesse they deserue the more merrit is in your bounty. Take them in.
Come sirs.
Follow him friends, weele heare a play to morrowe; dost thou
heare me old friend, can you play the murther of Gonzago?
I my Lord.
Weele hate to morrowe night, you could for neede study
a speech of some dosen lines, or sixteene lines, which I would set
downe and insert in't, could you not?
I my Lord.
Very well, followe that Lord, & looke you mock him not.
My good friends, Ile leaue you tell night, you are welcome to Elsonoure.
Good my Lord.
Ha, ha, are you honest.
Are you faire?
That if you be honest & faire, you should admit
no discourse to your beautie.
Could beauty my Lord haue better comerse
Then with honestie?
I truly, for the power of beautie will sooner transforme honestie from what it is to a bawde, then the force of honestie can translate
beautie into his likenes, this was sometime a paradox, but now the
time giues it proofe, I did loue you once.
Indeed my Lord you made me belieue so.
You should not haue beleeu'd me, for vertue cannot so
euocutat our old stock, but we shall relish of it, I loued you not.
Get thee a Nunry, why would'st thou be a breeder of sinners, I am my selfe indifferent honest, but yet I could accuse mee of
such things, that it were better my Mother had not borne mee: I am
very proude, reuengefull, ambitious, with more offences at my beck,
then I haue thoughts to put them in, imagination to giue them shape,
or time to act them in: what should such fellowes as I do crauling betweene earth and heauen, wee are arrant knaues, beleeue none of vs,
goe thy waies to a Nunry. Where's your father?
Let the doores be shut vpon him,
That he may play the foole no where but in's owne house,
Farewell.
If thou doost marry, Ile giue thee this plague for thy dowrie, be thou as chast as yce, as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape calumny; get
thee to a Nunry, farewell. Or if thou wilt needes marry,
marry a foole, for wise men knowe well enough what monsters you
make of them: to a Nunry goe, and quickly to, farewell.
I haue heard of your paintings well enough, God hath giuen you one face, and you make your selfes another, you gig & amble, and you list
you nickname Gods creatures, and make your wantonnes ignorance; goe to, Ile no more on't, it hath made me madde,
I say we will haue no mo marriage, those that are married alreadie, all
but one shall liue, the rest shall keep as they are: to a Nunry go.
Speake the speech I pray you as I pronoun'd it to you, trippingly on the tongue, but if you mouth it as many of our Players do,
I had as liue the towne cryer spoke my lines, nor doe not saw the ayre
too much with your hand thus, but vse all gently, for in the very torrent tempest, and as I may say, whirlwind of your passion, you must
acquire and beget a temperance, that may giue it smoothnesse, o it
offends mee to the soule, to heare a robustious perwig-pated fellowe
tere a passion to totters, to very rags, to spleet the eares of the groundlings, who for the most part are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumbe showes, and noyse:
I would haue such a fellow whipt for
ore-dooing Termagant, it out Herods Herod, pray you auoyde it.
I warrant your honour.
Be not too tame neither, but let your owne discretion be
your tutor, sute the action to the word, the word to the action, with
this speciall obseruance, that you ore-steppe not the modestie of nature: For any thing so ore-doone, is from the purpose of playing,
whose end both at the first, and nowe, was and is, to holde as twere
the Mirrour vp to nature, to shew vertue her feature; scorne her own
Image, and the very age and body of the time his forme and pressure:
Now this ouer-done, or come tardie off, though it makes the vnskilfull laugh, cannot but make the iudicious greeue, the censure of
which one, must in your allowance ore-weigh a whole Theater of others. O there be Players that I haue seene play, and heard others
praysd, and that highly, not to speake it prophanely, that neither hauing th'accent of Christians, nor the gate of Christian, Pagan, nor
man, haue so strutted & bellowed, that I haue thought some of Natures Iornimen had made men, and not made them well, they imitated humanitie so abhominably.
I hope we haue reform'd that indifferently with vs.
O reforme it altogether, and let those that play your clownes
speake no more then is set downe for them, for there be of them that
wil themselues laugh, to set on some quantitie of barraine spectators
to laugh to, though in the meane time, some necessary question of
the play be then to be considered, that's villanous, and shewes a most
pittifull ambition in the foole that vses it : goe make you readie. How
now my Lord, will the King heare this peece of worke?
And the Queene to, and that presently.
Bid the Players make hast. Will you two help to hasten them.
I my Lord.
Excellent yfaith,
Of the Camelions dish, I eate the ayre,
Promiscram'd, you cannot feede Capons so.
I haue nothing with this aunswer Hamlet,
These words are not mine.
No, nor mine now my Lord.
You playd once i'th Vniuersitie you say,
That did I my Lord, and was accounted a good Actor,
What did you enact?
I did enact Iulius Cæsar, I was kild i'th Capitall,
Brutus kild mee.
It was a brute part of him to kill so capitall a calfe there,
Be the Players readie?
I my Lord, they stay vpon your patience.
Come hether my deere Hamlet, sit by me.
No good mother, heere's mettle more attractiue.
O ho, doe you marke that.
Lady shall I lie in your lap?
No my Lord.
Doe you thinke I meant country matters?
I thinke nothing my Lord.
That's a fayre thought to lye betweene maydes legs.
What is my Lord?
Nothing.
You are merry my Lord.
Who I?
I my Lord.
O God your onely Iigge-maker, what should a man do but
be merry, for looke you how cheerefully my mother lookes, and my
father died within's two howres.
Nay, tis twice two months my Lord.
So long, nay then let the deule weare blacke, for Ile haue a
sute of sables; o heauens, die two months agoe, and not forgotten yet,
then there's hope a great mans memorie may out-liue his life halfe a
yeere, but ber Lady a must build Churches then, or els shall a suffer
not thinking on, with the Hobby-horse, whose Epitaph is, for o, for
o, the hobby-horse is forgot.
What meanes this my Lord?
Marry this munching Mallico, it meanes mischiefe.
Belike this show imports the argument of the play.
We shall know by this fellow,
The Players cannot keepe, they'le tell all.
Will a tell vs what this show meant?
I, or any show that you will show him, be not you asham'd
to show, heele not shame to tell you what it meanes.
You are naught, you are naught, Ile mark the play.
Is this a Prologue, or the posie of a ring?
Tis breefe my Lord.
As womans loue.
That's
wormwood
If she should breake it now.
Madam, how like you this play?
The Lady doth protest too much mee thinks.
O but shee'le keepe her word.
Haue you heard the argument? is there no offence in't?
No, no, they do but iest, poyson in iest, no offence i'th world.
What doe you call the play?
The Mousetrap, mary how tropically, this play is the Image
of a murther doone in Vienna, Gonzago is the Dukes name, his wife
Baptista, you shall see anon, tis a knauish peece of worke, but what of
that? your Maiestie, and wee that haue free soules, it touches vs not,
let the gauled Iade winch, our withers are vnwrong. This is one Lucianus, Nephew to the King.
You are as good as a Chorus my Lord.
I could interpret betweene you and your loue
If I could see the puppets dallying.
You are keene my lord, you are keene.
It would cost you a groning to take off mine edge.
Still better and worse.
So you mistake your husbands. Beginne murtherer, leaue
thy damnable faces and begin, come, the croking Rauen doth bellow
for reuenge.
A poysons him i'th Garden for his estate, his names Gonzago, the story is extant, and written in very choice Italian, you shall see
anon how the murtherer gets the loue of Gonzagoes wife.
The King rises.
How fares my Lord?
Giue ore the play.
Giue me some light, away.
Lights, lights, lights.
Would not this sir & a forrest of feathers, if the rest of my fortunes turne Turk with me, with prouinciall
Roses on my raz'd shooes, get me a fellowship in a cry of players?
Halfe a share.
A whole one I.
For thou doost know oh Damon deere
This Realme dismantled was
Of Ioue himselfe, and now raignes heere
A very very paiock.
You might haue rym'd.
O good Horatio, Ile take the Ghosts word for a thousand
pound. Did'st perceiue?
Very well my Lord.
Vpon the talke of the poysning.
I did very well note him.
Ah ha, come some musique, come the Recorders,
For if the King like not the Comedie,
Why then belike he likes it not perdy.
Come, some musique.
Good my Lord, voutsafe me a word with you.
Sir a whole historie.
The King sir.
I sir, what of him?
Is in his retirement meruilous distempred.
With drinke sir?
No my Lord, with choller,
Your wisedome should shewe it selfe more richer to signifie
this to the Doctor, for, for mee to put him to his purgation, would
perhaps plunge him into more choller.
Good my Lord put your discourse into some frame,
And stare not so wildly from my affaire.
I am tame sir, pronounce.
The Queene your mother in most great affliction of spirit, hath sent me to you.
You are welcome.
Nay good my Lord, this curtesie is not of the right breede, if
it shall please you to make me a wholsome aunswere, I will doe your
mothers commaundement, if not, your pardon and my returne, shall
be the end of busines.
Sir I cannot.
What my Lord.
Make you a wholsome answer, my wits diseasd, but sir, such
answere as I can make, you shall commaund, or rather as you say, my
mother, therefore no more, but to the matter, my mother you say.
Then thus she sayes, your behauiour hath strooke her into amazement and admiration.
O wonderful sonne that can so stonish a mother, but is there
no sequell at the heeles of this mothers admiration, impart.
She desires to speak with you in her closet ere you go to bed.
We shall obey, were she ten times our mother, haue you any
further trade with vs?
My Lord, you once did loue me.
And doe still by these pickers and stealers.
Good my Lord, what is your cause of distemper, you do surely barre the doore vpon your owne liberty if you deny your griefes to
your friend.
Sir I lacke aduauncement.
How can that be, when you haue the voyce of the King himselfe for your succession in Denmarke.
I sir, but while the grasse growes, the prouerbe is something
musty, o the Recorders, let mee see one, to withdraw with you, why
doe you goe about to recouer the wind of mee, as if you would driue
me into a toyle?
O my lord, if my duty be too bold, my loue is too vnmanerly.
I do not wel vnderstand that, wil you play vpon this pipe?
My lord I cannot.
I pray you.
Beleeue me I cannot.
I doe beseech you.
I know no touch of it my Lord.
It is as easie as lying; gouerne these ventages with your fingers, & the vmber, giue it breath with your mouth,
& it wil discourse
most eloquent musique, looke you, these are the stops.
But these cannot I commaund to any vttrance of harmonie, I
haue not the skill.
Why looke you now how vnwoorthy a thing you make of
me, you would play vpon mee, you would seeme to know my stops,
you would plucke out the hart of my mistery, you would sound mee
from my lowest note to my compasse, and there is much musique excellent voyce in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak, s'bloud
do you think I am easier to be plaid on then a pipe, call mee what instrument you wil, though you fret me not, you cannot play vpon me.
God blesse you sir.
My Lord, the Queene would speake with you, & presently.
Do you see yonder clowd that's almost in shape of a Camel?
By'th masse and tis, like a Camell indeed.
Mee thinks it is like a Wezell.
It is backt like a Wezell.
Or like a Whale.
That I can keepe your counsaile & not mine owne, besides
to be demaunded of a spunge, what replycation should be made by
the sonne of a King.
Take you me for a spunge my Lord?
I sir, that sokes vp the Kings countenaunce, his rewards, his
authorities, but such Officers doe the King best seruice in the end, he
keepes them like an apple in the corner of his iaw, first mouth'd to be
last swallowed, when hee needs what you haue gleand, it is but squeesing you, and spunge you shall be dry againe.
I vnderstand you not my Lord.
I am glad of it, a knauish speech sleepes in a foolish eare.
My Lord, you must tell vs where the body is, and goe with vs to the King.
The body is with the King, but the King is not with the body. The King is a thing.
A thing my Lord.
Of nothing, bring me to him.
Not where he eates, but where a is eaten, a certaine conuacation of politique wormes are een at him: your worme is your onely
Emperour for dyet, we fat all creatures els to fat vs, and wee fat our
selues for maggots, your fat King and your leane begger is but variable seruice, two dishes but to one table, that's the end.
A man may fish with the worme that hath eate of a King, &
eate of the fish that hath fedde of that worme.
Nothing but to shew you how a King may goe a progresse
through the guts of a begger.
In heauen, send thether to see, if your messenger finde him
not thrre, seeke him i'th other place your selfe, but if indeed you find
him not within this month, you shall nose him as you goe vp the
stayres into the Lobby.
A will stay till you come.
For England.
Good.
I see a Cherub that sees them, but come for England,
Farewell deere Mother.
My mother, Father and Mother is man and wife,
Man and wife is one flesh, so my mother:
Come for England.
Pray you marke.
White his shrowd as the mountaine snow.
Well good dild you, they say the Owle was a Bakers daughter, Lord we know what we are, but know not what we may be.
God be at your table.
I hope all will be well, we must be patient, but I cannot chuse
but weepe to thinke they would lay him i'th cold ground, my brother
shall know of it, and so I thanke you for your good counsaile. Come
my Coach, God night Ladies, god night.
Sweet Ladyes god night, god night.
You must sing a downe a downe,
And you call him a downe a. O how the wheele becomes it,
It is the false Steward that stole his Maisters daughter.
There's Rosemary, thats for remembrance, pray you loue remember, and there is Pancies, thats for thoughts.
There's Fennill for you, and Colembines, there's Rewe for
you, & heere's some for me, we may call it herbe of Grace a Sondaies,
you may weare your Rewe with a difference, there's a Dasie, I would
giue you some Violets, but they witherd all when my Father dyed,
they say a made a good end.
For bonny sweet Robin is all my ioy.
A shall sir and please him, there's a Letter for you sir, it came
from th'Embassador that was bound for England, if your name be Horatio, as I am let to know it is.
Horatio, when thou shalt haue ouer-lookt this, giue these fellowes some meanes to the King, they haue Letters for him: Ere wee
were two daies old at Sea, a Pyrat of very warlike appointment gaue
vs chase, finding our selues too slow of saile, wee put on a compelled
valour, and in the grapple I boorded them, on the instant they got
cleere of our shyp, so I alone became theyr prisoner, they haue dealt
with me like thieues of mercie, but they knew what they did, I am to
doe a turne for them, let the King haue the Letters I haue sent, and
repayre thou to me with as much speede as thou wouldest flie death,
I haue wordes to speake in thine eare will make thee dumbe, yet are
they much too light for the bord of the matter, these good fellowes
will bring thee where I am, Rosencraus and Guyldensterne hold theyr
course for England, of them I haue much to tell thee, farewell.
So that thou knowest thine Hamlet.
High and mighty, you shall know I am set naked on your kingdom,
to morrow shall I begge leaue to see your kingly eyes, when I shal first
asking you pardon, there-vnto recount the occasion of my suddaine
returne.
Is shee to be buried in Christian buriall, when she wilfully
seekes her owne saluation?
I tell thee she is, therfore make her graue straight, the crowner hath sate on her, and finds it Christian buriall.
How can that be, vnlesse she drown'd herselfe in her owne
defence.
Why tis found so.
It must be so offended, it cannot be els, for heere lyes the
poynt, if I drowne my selfe wittingly, it argues an act, & an act hath
three branches, it is to act, to doe, to performe, or all; she drownd her
selfe wittingly.
Nay, but heare you good man deluer.
Giue mee leaue, here lyes the water, good, here stands the
man, good, if the man goe to this water & drowne himselfe, it is will
he, nill he, he goes, marke you that, but if the water come to him, &
drowne him, he drownes not himselfe, argall, he that is not guilty of
his owne death, shortens not his owne life.
Why there thou sayst, and the more pitty that great folke
should haue countnaunce in this world to drowne or hang themselues,
more then theyr euen Christen: Come my spade, there is no auncient gentlemen but Gardners, Ditchers, and Grauemakers, they hold
vp Adams profession.
Was he a gentleman?
A was the first that euer bore Armes.
Ile put another question to thee, if thou answerest me not to the purpose, confesse thy selfe.
Goe to.
What is he that builds stronger then eyther the Mason, the
Shypwright, or the Carpenter.
The gallowes maker, for that out-liues a thousand tenants.
I like thy wit well in good fayth, the gallowes dooes well,
but howe dooes it well? It dooes well to those that do ill, nowe thou
doost ill to say the gallowes is built stronger then the Church, argall,
the gallowes may doo well to thee. Too't againe, come.
Who buildes stronger then a Mason, a Shipwright, or a Carpenter.
I, tell me that and vnyoke.
Marry now I can tell.
Too't.
Masse I cannot tell.
Cudgell thy braines no more about it, for your dull asse wil
not mend his pace with beating, and when you are askt this question
next, say a graue-maker, the houses hee makes lasts till Doomesday.
Goe get thee in, and fetch mee a soope of liquer.
In youth when I did loue did loue,
Me thought it was very sweet
To contract o the time for a my behoue,
O me thought there a was nothing a meet.
Has this fellowe no feeling of his busines? a sings in grauemaking.
Custome hath made it in him a propertie of easines.
Tis een so, the hand of little imploiment hath the dintier sence
But age with his stealing steppes
hath clawed me in his clutch,
And hath shipped me into the land,
as if I had neuer been such.
That skull had a tongue in it, and could sing once, how the
knaue iowles it to the ground, as if twere Caines iawbone, that did the
first murder, this might be the pate of a pollitician, which this asse now
ore-reaches; one that would circumuent God, might it not?
It might my Lord.
Or of a Courtier, which could say good morrow sweet lord,
how doost thou sweet lord? This might be my Lord such a one, that
praised my lord such a ones horse when a went to beg it, might it not?
I my Lord.
Why een so, & now my Lady wormes Choples, & knockt
about the massene with a Sextens spade; heere's fine reuolution and
we had the tricke to see't, did these bones cost no more the breeding,
but to play at loggits with them: mine ake to thinke on't.
A pickax and a spade a spade,
for and a shrowding sheet,
O a pit of Clay for to be made
for such a guest is meet.
There's another, why may not that be the skull of a Lawyer,
where be his quiddities now, his quillites, his cases, his tenurs, and his
tricks? why dooes he suffer this madde knaue now to knocke him about the sconce with a durtie shouell, and will not tell him of his action of battery, hum, this fellowe
might be in's time a great buyer of
Land, with his Statuts, his recognisances, his fines, his double vouchers, his recoueries, to haue his fine pate full of fine durt, will vouchers vouch him no more of his
purchases & doubles then the length
and breadth of a payre of Indentures? The very conueyances of his
Lands will scarcely lye in this box, & must th'inheritor himselfe haue
no more, ha.
Not a iot more my Lord.
Is not Parchment made of sheepe-skinnes?
I my Lord, and of Calues-skinnes to.
They are Sheepe and Calues which seeke out assurance in
that, I wil speak to this fellow. Whose graue's this sirra?
Mine sir, or a pit of clay for to be made.
I thinke it be thine indeede, for thou lyest in't.
You lie out ont sir, and therefore tis not yours; for my part I
doe not lie in't, yet it is mine.
Thou doost lie in't to be in't & say it is thine, tis for the dead,
not for the quicke, therefore thou lyest.
Tis a quicke lye sir, twill away againe from me to you.
What man doost thou digge it for?
For no man sir.
What woman then?
For none neither.
Who is to be buried in't?
One that was a woman sir, but rest her soule shee's dead.
How absolute the knaue is, we must speake by the card, or
equiuocation will vndoo vs. By the Lord Horatio, this three yeeres I
haue tooke note of it, the age is growne so picked, that the toe of the
pesant coms so neere the heele of the Courtier he galls his kybe. How
long hast thou been Graue-maker?
Of the dayes i'th yere I came too't that day that our last king
Hamlet ouercame Fortenbrasse.
How long is that since?
Cannot you tell that? euery foole can tell that, it was that
very day that young Hamlet was borne: hee that is mad and sent into
England.
I marry, why was he sent into England?
Why because a was mad: a shall recouer his wits there, or if
a doo not, tis no great matter there.
Why?
Twill not be seene in him there, there the men are as madas hee.
How came he mad?
Very strangely they say.
How strangely?
Fayth eene with loosing his wits.
Vpon what ground?
Why heere in Denmarke: I haue been Sexten heere man
and boy thirty yeeres.
How long will a man lie i'th earth ere he rot?
Fayth if a be not rotten before a die, as we haue many pockie corses, that will scarce hold the laying in, a will last you som eyght
yeere, or nine yeere. A Tanner will last you nine yeere.
Why he more then another?
Why sir, his hide is so tand with his trade, that a will keepe
out water a great while; & your water is a sore decayer of your whorson dead body, heer's a scull now hath lyen you i'th earth 23. yeeres.
Whose was it?
A whorson mad fellowes it was, whose do you think it was?
Nay I know not.
A pestilence on him for a madde rogue, a pourd a flagon of
Renish on my head once; this same skull sir, was sir Yoricks skull, the
Kings Iester.
This?
Een that.
Alas poore Yoricke, I knew him Horatio, a fellow of infinite
iest, of most excellent fancie, hee hath bore me on his backe a thousand times, and now how abhorred in my imagination it is: my gorge
rises at it. Heere hung those lyppes that I haue kist I know not howe
oft, where be your gibes now? your gamboles, your songs, your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the ta
ble on a roare, not one
now to mocke your owne grinning, quite chopfalne. Now get you
to my Ladies table, & tell her, let her paint an inch thicke, to this fauour she must come, make her laugh at that.
Prethee Horatio tell me one thing.
What's that my Lord?
Doost thou thinke Alexander lookt a this fashion i'th earth?
Een so.
And smelt so pah.
Een so my Lord.
To what base vses wee may returne Horatio? Why may not
imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander, till a find it stopping
a bunghole?
Twere to consider too curiously to consider so.
No faith, not a iot, but to follow him thether with modesty
enough, and likelyhood to leade it. Alexander dyed, Alexander was
buried, Alexander returneth to dust, the dust is earth, of earth wee
make Lome, & why of that Lome whereto he was conuerted, might
they not stoppe a Beare-barrell?
I humble thanke you sir.
Doost know this water fly?
No my good Lord.
Thy state is the more gracious, for tis a vice to know him,
He hath much land and fertill: let a beast be Lord of beasts, and his
crib shall stand at the Kings messe, tis a chough, but as I say, spacious in the possession of durt.
Sweete Lord, if your Lordshippe were at leasure, I should
impart a thing to you from his Maiestie.
I will receaue it sir withall dilligence of spirit, your bonnet
to his right vse, tis for the head.
I thanke your Lordship, it is very hot.
No belieue me, tis very cold, the wind is Northerly.
It is indefferent cold my Lord indeed.
But yet me thinkes it is very sully and hot, or my complection.
Exceedingly my Lord, it is very soultery, as t'were I cannot tell how: my Lord his Maiestie bad me signifie to you, that a
has layed a great wager on your head, sir this is the matter.
I beseech you remember.
Nay good my Lord for my ease in good faith, sir here is newly
com to Court Laertes, belieue me an absolute gentlemen, ful of most
excellent differences, of very soft society, and great showing : indeede to speake sellingly of him, hee is the card or kalender of gentry: for you shall find in him the
continent of what part a Gentleman would see.
Sir, his definement suffers no perdition in you, though I
know to deuide him inuentorially, would dazzie th'arithmaticke of
memory, and yet but raw neither, in respect of his quick saile, but
in the veritie of extolment, I take him to be a soule of great article,
& his infusion of such dearth and rarenesse, as to make true dixion
of him, his semblable is his mirrour, & who els would trace him, his
vmbrage, nothing more.
Your Lordship speakes most infallibly of him.
The concernancy sir, why doe we wrap the gentleman in
our more rawer breath?
Sir.
Ist not possible to vnderstand in another tongue, you will
doo't sir really.
What imports the nomination of this gentleman.
Of Laertes.
His purse is empty already, all's golden words are spent.
Of him sir.
I know you are not ignorant.
I would you did sir, yet in faith if you did, it would not
much approoue me, well sir.
You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is.
I dare not confesse that, least I should compare with
him in excellence, but to know a man wel, were to knowe himselfe.
I meane sir for this weapon, but in the imputation laide on
him, by them in his meed, hee's vnfellowed.
What's his weapon?
Rapier and Dagger.
That's two of his weapons, but well.
The King sir hath wagerd with him six Barbary horses,
againgst the which hee has impaund as I take it six French Rapiers
and Poynards, with their assignes, as girdle, hanger and so. Three
of the carriages in faith, are very deare to fancy, very reponsiue to
the hilts, most delicate carriages, and of very liberall conceit.
What call you the carriages?
I knew you must be edified by the margent ere you had
done.
The carriage sir are the hangers.
The phrase would bee more Ierman to the matter if wee
could carry a cannon by our sides, I would it be might hangers till
then, but on, six Barbry horses against six French swords their assignes, and three liberall conceited carriages, that's the French
bet against the Danish, why is this all you call it?
The King sir, hath layd sir, that in a dozen passes betweene
your selfe and him, hee shall not exceede you three hits, hee hath
layd on twelue for nine, and it would come to immediate triall, if
your Lordshippe would vouchsafe the answere.
How if I answere no?
I meane my Lord the opposition of your person in triall.
Sir I will walke heere in the hall, if it please his Maiestie, it
>
is the breathing time of day with me, let the foiles be brought, the
Gentleman willing, and the King hold his purpose; I will winne
for him and I can, if not, I will gaine nothing but my shame, and
the odde hits.
Shall I deliuer you so?
To this effect sir, after what florish your nature will.
I commend my duty to your Lordshippe.
Yours doo's well to commend it himselfe, there are no
tongues els for's turne.
This Lapwing runnes away with the shell on his head.
A did so sir with his dugge before a suckt it, thus has he and
many more of the same breede that I know the drossy age dotes on,
only got the tune of the time, and out of an habit of incounter, a
kind of histy colection, which carries them through and through
the most prophane and trennowed opinions, and doe but blowe
them to their triall, the bubbles are out.
My Lord, his Maiestie commended him to you by young
Ostricke, who brings backe to him that you attend him in the hall,
he sends to know if your pleasure hold to play with Laertes, or that
you will take longer time?
I am constant to my purposes, they followe the Kings pleasure, if his fitnes speakes, mine is ready: now or whensoeuer, prouided I be so
able as now.
The King, and Queene, and all are comming downe.
In happy time.
The Queene desires you to vse some gentle entertainment
to Laertes, before you fall to play.
Shee well instructs me.
You will loose my Lord.
I doe not thinke so, since he went into France, I haue bene
in continuall practise, I shall winne at the ods; thou would'st not
thinke how ill all's heere about my hart, but it is no matter.
Nay good my Lord.
It is but foolery, but it is such a kinde of gamgiuing, as
would perhapes trouble a woman.
If your minde dislike any thing, obay it. I will forstal their
repaire hether, and say you are not fit.
Not a whit, we defie augury, there is speciall prouidence,in
the fall of a Sparrowe, if it be, tis not to come, if it be not to come,
it will be now, if it be not now, yet it well come, the readines is all,
since no man of ought he leaues, knowes what ist to leaue betimes,
let be.
One.
Iudgement.
A hit, a very palpable hit.
Well, againe.